Listening To: I Don't Care - 2ne1
Mood: Melancholy

June month has gone by and what a month it was.. Too many things happened, good and bad.. Well lets start by discussing my older brother's visit here in Toronto!! Honestly I really miss Sho and I thought I wouldn't because we always talk on MSN or phone anyways so I thought hmm I think it would be the same.. But unfortunately it's not.. I never knew that someone's physical presence in my life could have such a strong impact on me.. When we first saw each other I was a lot more nervous than i would have liked.. I mean i gave him the most awkward hug that I have given in my entire life.. It's not that I didn't want to, it was just i was thinking of his expectations of me.. I was very self conscious. But as the days went on I got more comfortable to being around Sho. He was a lot more brotherly than i would have expected!! He taught me a lot of things like drinking etiquette haha!!! He also gave his brotherly speech which he said he wanted to do in person rather than on phone or MSN!! it made me appreciate him even more and I am thankful that he is in my life because I wouldn't have known what I have done in the past if I couldn't talk to my hyung ah!! I really miss him ... Even tho his experience here hasn't been the greatest and I feel really bad for that and I'm hoping that next time he visits i can make up for whatever disappointment he had the first time he was here!

Don't u just hate it when u are completely wrong about a person ? I thought i knew this former friend of mines, but apperantly I was mistaken... Did I turn a blind eye on things he does ?? Only accepting that he was pure and innocent and can do no other person harm ? Is it wrong of me to have defended him when all the evidence points into how he might harm another persons feelings? I wanted to see good in him.. I really did.. I wanted to believe that he wasn't a completely different person than what I've known him as.. It was so difficult for me to swallow the facts .. because he was a friend a good friend and sometimes i probably will always think of him as that.. It was hard to cut myself away from communicating with him, it pained me... But he hurt someone very special to me... Someone I would take a bullet for ... I can only hope that he leads his life in a more honest way.. Even though i don't think he feels regret over things he has done and he might not even care... But I do still care for his well being.. I wish he changes and see things in a more realistic manner in how to take care of his relationships wether it be friendships or love. Because if he doesn't, all he will have left in the end is his lonely pathetic self..

In a more positive note!!! I met someone who is great in every aspect imaginable .. He's very lovable and endearing.. I don't really know how to go about in saying that I really like him haha because my damn personality flaw prevents me from doing so T.T !! I believe that I think too much about these things .. i think of how it's wierd that I like someone considering we haven't even known each other that long!! I think about his expectations .. what he thinks about me and all that stuff.. I haven't liked anybody in a long time so it is hard to go about into making a move since my peronality is a bit cold on the front! i guess i have to get more comfortable and know him a lot more to go forward with anything really !! I don't wanna have any expectations beyond friendship right now unless I know that it will somehow work out in the end.. But yes wish me luck =D